QUESTION : I'v had yrs. and yrs. and yrs. of therapy to deal and rid myself of the burden of abuse as a child and an adult. How have you accomplished this? How did you let it all go and deal with life on lifes terms?
Heather
ANSWER:
Dear Heather,
What a good and important question! The road is definitely not easy, but it is doable. The key is to learn how to re-identify ourselves. As children in trauma, we connect to those feelings and experiences as the prime basis for who we are -- and who we are is always guilty, rejectable and not enough. As adults, we have to begin with another point of view. Our past does not identify us. We are not our experiences; our experiences -- challenging and terrifying as they may have been -- are simply places through which we have traveled. It's not about fair or unfair, because clearly it was unfair, so set that debate aside. It is about choice. My choice was a refusal to be a victim and to adopt the mantra: I am only a victim if I give someone else my mind. Then I added a deep inner desire to my intention. I wanted to know peace from within. The only I knew about peace was that I had never experienced it. But I did know what it wasn't and that's where I began.
It took guts and will -- which you already have -- and a lot of practice. It initially felt as though a thousand times a day I would catch myself in an old story about right and wrong, pain, resentment, anger. Those thoughts would flood my head and cause a chemical reaction in my body that would recreate the way I felt as a kid. As soon as I recognized I was in a story which is basically an endless repetition of an old feeling, I would consciously pull the plug on that "voice." I would return my thoughts to the possibility of peace. One day, after much practice, I was literally turning from the sink to the stove in my kitchen, when a new awareness flooded my body, and I knew I was for the first time feeling peace. It didn't last long, but I knew that if I could do it once, I could it again. It didn't take long before I was laying a new foundation for myself about my value, my strength, and ultimately my peace and joy.
No matter where we have been, we are not our pasts, and in spite of the cruelty of those who were around us, we are not victims. When I chose this new perspective, I began the often challenging, but absolutely dynamic pathway of empowerment, healing, and joy.
Choice is the beginning of empowerment and empowerment is the beginning of freedom.
There are many books, mine included (Pursuit of Light, An Extraordinary Journey) , and study groups that can support you in releasing the past and the courageous choice to lay a new foundation for the power of all your potentials.
I know this cannot be fixed in a brief letter, but I hold with you the healing that you desire and of which you are so worthy, and the ability to live a pain-free life.
Know that you are loved. Have compassion for where you have been and an absolute determination to discover the parts of life you have not yet had a chance to do.
With love and support for you,
Sandy
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