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Question:

So tell me, what do you suggest individuals who work in a "daily" hostile environment do. It is very hard to stay positive with dealing with mean arrogant people all day long. I think many individuals who read your blog can relate.
I suffered injuries to my cervical and lumbar spine on the job. Since then it has been HELL to deal with both management, my chronic pain, and co-workers who just do not relate ..... not until they too are injured."

Dear Questioner:

First of all, please accept my support for the courage and tenacity it takes to keep moving forward in difficult times.  The challenge/opportunity of being in a "daily hostile environment," is to begin by not looking for support from people and places that have demonstrated that they don't have much if any to give.  It's like consistently going to the hardware store for oranges - you're just not going to find them there.  So every time you look to your co-workers to understand what you are going through, you are actually setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration.  That's where the "dance" has to shift.  You hold the power for this shift, because it will be you creating a new way of thinking that will create a new reality for you.  What you experience as their insensitivity and perhaps even cruelty, will no longer reflect who and how you are.  And I know that it's not fair, but I also know that what you are doing isn't working and is causing you more pain.  It's hard to let go of the "fair and unfair" perspective - it was hard for me to learn that - but you already have courage, and I would rather see you focus on what will work instead of what doesn't work even when it's unfair.

Don't resist that something is unfair - put it on the proverbial table - and then know that you get to choose what you want to do about it.  Make the courageous and self-loving choice to let it go.  It's okay that the hardware store isn't selling oranges this week.  There's a good chance they won't sell them next week, either.  Then look to other options for support.  Is there a pain support group in your area or on the Internet?  If finances are a challenge, do any of your local hospitals offer free pain-management classes?  It's not necessarily that you will find new answers, but you may find more compassionate companions.  Honor yourself and your journey.  Give yourself the caring support and respect you deserve.  Don't give up.  Keep checking the latest in physical therapies and alternative possibilities.  Stay abreast of integrative medicine and what they're doing re:  pain management. 

And, oh, by the way, did I mention honor yourself?  Please do so.  Yours is clearly not an easy road at this time.  Honor yourself - it's the opening to self-love.  Give this to you, keep checking for support groups, trust that the core of who you are (the Spirit of all that you are) has not abandoned you.  Surround yourself as much as possible with positive thoughts, positive books and words (even on a bad day!) and positive people.  Before you know it, you will be surrounded with baskets of oranges!

Know that you have my respect and support for healing in your body and the peace and joy you certainly deserve.

Blessings and love,

Sandy Brewer

Author Pursuit of Light, An Extraordinary Journey

www.PursuitOfLight.com

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Rob writes:

Hi Sandy, I have been on a truth quest for about a year now. I have read the book and watched the video "The Secret" many, many times. I am really trying to focus on the positive of life. However, that negative seems to creep into my mind on a daily basis. I have not had much positive change happen for me. In fact, I seem more frustrated now than ever before. What advise could you give me at this point in time? Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Thank you rob

Sandy Writes:

Dear Rob,

The Law of Attraction has been so in the forefront that we have, as a collective, tended to ignore the Law of Resistance.  Technically, of course, they are not laws at all, but extraordinary principles which, when applied with conscious intent, can alter the course of our lives. 

The first thing for you to know is that when a negative thought or feeling comes up, it does not mean you are doing something wrong.  If you resist the feeling, you will only intensify it, for that which you resist you will attract.

So, put the negative feeling on the table - right out there in front of God and everybody.  Do not attach a story - that will only drag you into the sludge pot of the past.   For instance, perhaps a negative feeling you have is I'm not enough, or nobody really likes me, or I never get noticed.  Acknowledge that feeling, but make it a simple, complete statement with a period.  Don't say, "Joey hasn't called me back for three days and after all that I've done for him and look how many times I've been there for him and he's got a lot of nerve... and on and on.  "I feel unimportant and that's an old feeling" - is all that you have to acknowledge. 

Once you have taken your judgment and story off the feeling, then you can say to yourself, "This feeling, this chemical reaction that I am having in my body, is not who I am.  It is just a feeling.  It's a feeling which my brain is cross-referencing with an old wound or insecurity.  Having the feeling come up does not make me wrong.  It does, however, give me an opportunity to experience the power of choice.  I get to choose whether or not this chemical reaction we call a feeling is a statement about me or not.  I get to choose a greater truth."

Then reach for a statement of truth greater than the illusion of doubt and separation.  What if you really are one with a Goodness that has no opposite?  What if your experiences do not define you, unless you say so?  What if the Light within you is so much greater than the challenging places through which you have journeyed?

You have the ability to reach out to you with compassion and kindness.  You have the ability to practice and practice until, whether you agree with yourself and your position or not, you always look at yourself through the eyes of love.  But please remember, the celebration of you does not come through the suppression of a feeling.  It comes through the recognition that the feeling simply gives you information about an old idea you are holding on to.  You have the power to redefine yourself in context of any place that you have been and to know the greatness and wonderful potential of you in the now.

Camus wrote one of my favorite quotes.  He said, "In the midst of winter I have found within me an invincible summer."  On your most challenging day, the light within you shines.  Remember it, even on the days when you can't feel it.

Blessings to you -- with love and a light heart,

Sandy

www.pursuitoflight.com

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AN ASK SANDY QUESTION:

May 5, 2008 - 9:01:03 AM
Sue : Writes

I'm new to this whole self-improvement field. I've half-written my own e-book for people who suddenly find themselves disabled - from my own 15 year experience of going through disability myself - how do I know that my book will be effective? How did you know that you would have an impact on thousands of people? Thank you for your time.

Dear Sue,

Because everything actually begins as a frequency -- which initially becomes a resonance within us -- we are always broadcasting forth "seeds."  These seeds are based on our intention in the moment.  I believe your intention with your book is to offer first hand data and support to those who are having to walk in a similar pathway.  You are feeling the draw to do this from your mind and your heart, and I encourage you to follow through.  The truth is we never know exactly where our seeds will take root.  How do I know that I've had an impact on so many people?  Because as a speaker, therapist, author and advocate, I've been in the business of helping people for well over thirty years, which has allowed me the privilege of teaching and supporting others and knowing their lives have changed.

But I do not do my work for the accolades or the applause.  I do it because my heart, spirit and passion draw me to.

Follow your heart, Sue.  Hardship is not easy and is, as you know, a courageous journey.  But it also offers an opportunity to develop deep compassion, love, wisdom, and joy.  How do I know that?  Because I have lived it.  I go into the "how to's" of that journey much more deeply in my book Pursuit Of Light, An Extraordinary Journey. 

I wish you well in all things -- and in my mind, I see your e-book as a done deal!

Blessings and Light,

Sandy 

www.pursuitoflight.com

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Hello! I have been in a relationship for two years. We communicate well, enjoy the same things, have great fun together....now the problem. After the first couple of months I could feel him withdrawing physically from me. He does not even like touch. If I hug him, I can feel him bracing...or cringing. He resents discussing it, but has told me that he goes through periods in his life where he totally loses his sex drive. (He is under a lot of stress with work.) He has never been a cuddly guy, and I can accept that, but this is a huge swing of the pendulum. I am an affectionate, touchy person. We are heading toward spending our lives together. Is it healthy to consider dealing with this? It feels like rejection to me, which I have great difficulty with. How do I feel attached to someone who feels more like a buddy or brother?

Dear Questioner,

While you and your partner are companionable in many ways, you definitely have a major problem here which, without intervention, should be a deal breaker.  That first blush of new love lasted only two months before your partner began to demonstrate symptoms of deeper emotional challenges which, while not necessarily about you, did and do support your feelings of unworthiness and rejection.  Your hope that you could successfully live with this situation is not well founded and is based on potentials that you want instead of a reality based look at what truly is.  That does not mean that you are not both good people, but these are serious problems that will only grow worse.  You are both carrying and reflecting baggage that makes the odds of a long-term, joyous, and successful relationship together almost nil.

Can you do anything about this?  Absolutely, provided you are both willing to (preferably with an excellent counselor) examine the problems.  There is an underlying emotional issue that causes him to withdraw, and it is an issue which predates you.  There is also undoubtedly an underlying emotional acceptance of your value that causes you to be willing to be in a situation in which you are on a regular basis being treated in a way that makes you feel untreasured.  Your self-esteem and empowerment as a woman needs some work.  Sacrificing pieces of yourself in order to hold on to a relationship is never a wise choice.  You need to reach a point where you can set healthier boundaries on what you are and are not willing to accept.  This doesn’t mean that either one of you is the “bad guy.”  But you are mirrors to each other, and some parts of those mirrors have big cracks that require repair. 

I encourage you and your boyfriend to explore ways in which you can celebrate yourselves and each other in all ways before you make any permanent commitments.

Bottom line:  Never marry potential.  Let potential develop and then marry it.  I talk about this in greater depth in my book, Pursuit of Light, An Extraordinary Journey.

Please know how much I wish you well in finding the courage to fully believe in you, to trust your ability to create a joy-filled life, and to find healthy resolution in what you need to do regarding your relationship.  Thinking it’s going to get better without joint effort, is not realistic.

There is an amazing spirit within you that is so worth you going for the “whole enchilada.”  The same is true for your partner.

With love and light,

Sandy Brewer

www.PursuitOfLight.com